Perfect Turmoil
by Magnificent Aurora
Summary: Kira was god, Kira was Justice. Was there any question of it? Psychological. Light Y. One shot.


_**Warning: Spoilers.**_

_"I understand your reasoning, Light-kun. But you are failing to see the issue for what it really is: Kira is causing more damage than he is preventing, the lost souls of those who are innocent merely because they stood in the way, the fear that has prevailed and has taken in its way the feeling of security and comfort everyone used to have. Is creating a new world worth this misfortune?"_

He was in confusion as to whether his judgment was right or wrong, and this feeling was killing him. Light was never the type that doubts their decisions no matter their level of difficulty. He loved being in control of his thoughts, acts and emotions, and he fully mastered that skill. If he wasn't in control, then how can he guarantee the success of his ambition to becoming the god of the New World by any means? But then again, he couldn't forget the look on that desperate woman's face when she cried about her son's death, a police officer of 27 years who publicly opposed Kira's new law on national television. Light remembered he had used Misa to take care of that one for him.

_"He was punished for deciding to speak up his mind. Is this what our world has come down to; after all our efforts to maintain happy and pleasant lives, this Kira person suddenly decides he's worthy of judging in one minute what we've dedicated countless of hours and days for? Who is he exactly to pass judgment on others' lives if he doesn't own them in the first place? What makes him or her even capable? Is a society full of fear and lack of free will what he has aspired for? In that case, he's won! I hope he's happy!"_

He remembered the sweet taste of victory he had upon seeing L's eyes shut down forever, assuring him that he's finally won the war against those who were too stubborn to consider his ideals and to judge them in an objective matter. He knew that L viewed this whole ordeal as merely a game, something enabling him to prove his capability and his potential by winning the battle, which is all he had ever cared for. He despised the way he dealt with everything through lies and hypocrisy, how he so easily lied through his teeth to millions of people whose only hope was him, assuring them he would serve righteous justice on his enemy therefore securing their lives, while in fact he regarded his precious sweets as much more important than the lives of those he claimed he was protecting.

Light never even considered the thought of his persona ever reassembling to such selfish and uncaring bastard, this _monster_ who made a living based on lying to others in a way of survival. On the contrary, Kira was there to remind people of their humanity and their duty to remain honest and caring, to deliver his godly message saying that there is something _wrong_ with the path society has chosen and that it needs quick and radical fixation. Only then, everyone would feel responsible and aware of their role and what they ought to do. Light had never doubted the cause he was fighting for nor the righteousness of his claims, for he never made any decisions without presumably studying and scrutinizing all of the details, outcomes and alternatives. In essence, that's what separates a wise individual from an immature one, doesn't it? Then why is he questioning his methods all of the sudden? Could there be even the smallest of chances that there had been a flaw within his plan? Could it?

_No._ He knew he was beyond making mistakes, he was justice, he was god. There cannot be any questions nor doubts about his tactics and the judgment he served upon the wicked. His surety of his capacity was what made him confident of reaching his goal in the first place. There was no room for trial and error, not when thousands of human lives were involved in the task.

Whoever he killed for standing in his way, he knew he only eliminated them for good reason because in reality, no great achievement could be made if we were to stop and question what we have decided to give up as a sacrifice. _Something_ has to be given away in order for the common good to happen. That is exactly why it has been said that a life based on fear is never worthy of living. All those great minds that have certainly left a mark on the human history, they all paid a price in order to become what they have once been, whether it be their time, their effort, their privacy, their security.. Light never considered himself different from any of those. He had witnessed with his own eyes how corrupted his world is, so why is he considered selfish for being the only person who was actually willing to devote all his power to fixing this situation? Weren't the real selfish beings the ones who watched the situation and clearly understood its importance, but never actually took one step to change it? People like L himself, who deliberately chose to watch this rotten whirlpool from afar, without personally contributing to the matter? For all his claims of being involved and biased, Light knew he was only putting on an act. He spent enough time with L to recognize exactly the kind of person he is, or rather was, therefore for him not to be fooled by this play the other was holding.

But if he was so certain of his righteousness, then why does the image of his perfect world suddenly seem unclear and fluttered? If there are countless people who are all standing against him, then there must be a flaw within the plan, right? But his problem was that he was unable to discern exactly what the flaw was, to recognize the reason behind it and its roots. Was it because the plot he had created seemed too flawless for him? Is that why? Was there an error somewhere and he had been simply too _blind_ not to see it? Was this the effect of his pride and arrogance?

_Damn_ all these questions, they only reflected weakness and uncertainty, things he had despised all his life. But he also knew that if he wasn't careful and observing, he wouldn't be able to reach very far with his plan. Sometimes, he wondered how it would feel to be in his victims' shoes, but he quickly dismissed that thought away. He knew for a fact that if his emotions had even the slightest effect on his acts, he wouldn't be able to judge fairly and objectively.

_All those criminals.._ were they truly _all_ guilty? What if some's actions were impulsed by greater stressing circumstances, how would he know? He had never suffered from a miserable life. He remembered that it has been mentioned in some of the victims' profiles that they have suffered from poverty or sexual assault some time during their lives, is that why they turned out to be what they have become? Even so, being previously the victim of a crime can never be an excuse to committing the same crime in the future, could it? All his life he had firmly believed in the law of retaliation "an eye for an eye", that whoever committed wrong deeds must be penalized, regardless of whatever pushed them to do so. But why does he suddenly feel lax and unsure? It's as if he is voluntarily looking for rational reasons to dispel his decisions.

At times, he contemplated the thought of what could have happened if he had offered the Death Note to the police once he picked it up, and if he were to use some of his intelligence, he could have manipulated Ryuk into writing a fake rule saying that any person responsible for burning the notebook will die. Oh but what a great risk that would've been! Who could assure him that the government would even make use of the notebook? For all intents and purposes, they could always let it remain untouchable in an isolated room for eternity mainly because they were _cowards_ and simply afraid of using it. Even on the off chance that they would make actual use of the notebook, would they be able to pass fair and righteous judgement on the evil doers?

That thought made him sneer. The only being he had ever met which possessed almost as equal intelligence and flawless logic as himself was L, and he even succeeded at getting rid of him. So who exactly did these morons think they were, for trying to even compare to his capacities? He was the _only_ one suitable for the job of a perfect judge, not the government, not L, not anyone. He remembered L once saying that intelligence without wisdom is as good as useless, but he was trying to improve himself, wasn't he? He had never devised any plans without previous calculation, and he has always put in mind what the consequences of his actions are going to be. The problem is, he seemed too satisfied with these results; if hundreds of lives were going to be lost in order for his current plan to work, so be it. If the stability of economic development was going to be threatened because of his actions, so be it. What if his proceedings have taken more than what they were originally set to give? Was that the flaw within his judgement? Is it possible that he has been unjustly sacrificing some of the human lives without knowing it?!

...

Kira was not just a person, Kira was a whole entity, Kira was an ideology. He was a whole conception of principles, ideals and methods of thinking he had installed in people. And to think that he was capable of _influencing_ the beliefs and convictions of hundreds, no, thousands of people, what other word would describe this than pure _power_? He would be lying to himself if he said he didn't quite enjoy the feeling he earned and had so long strived for. He even bet L himself had enjoyed the feeling his position gave him. The more he felt it, the more he wanted to conquer _all_ of it. However, was it right to let himself be blind by it? Like all of those dictators who used all of their power without the smallest application of justice to correct it. Was he becoming one of those? But Justice was what represented him, Justice was what he based all of his actions on, Justice was him. There was no way in hell he would put off Justice to become a selfish individual and a hypocrite like L once had been. Unlike L and many others, he actually cared for the welfare and happiness of others around him, he clearly understood the concept of humanity for what it really is and he hated seeing others around him suffer. More importantly, he was too much of an organized person to be satisfied with the disorder happening everywhere around him. He was an idealist and he wanted everything around him to follow a _right_ path. So why is he being blamed for his justified claims by those who have never understood or even cared for something other than their petty concerns? What exactly gave them the right to give their opinion, to even _judge_ his acts if they were in no position of doing so? These people who didn't even grasp a correct understanding of how things must be executed? Who were they to question his methods? What do they even know?!

_"Kira is childish, arrogant and stubborn. He is a megalomaniac person who has waited an eternity in order to finally show his power to the world. Even if he does indeed care for the common good, I think that power alone and the desire to be in absolute control are his true motives, which is reflected in the way he eliminates all the innocents that get in his way without caring for the damage he has left behind. Don't you agree, Light-kun?"_

He will prove everyone wrong. He will prove that he is capable, that he's the _only_ one capable of ruling this world in a just way. It's about time they bow down to his power and finally accept his judgment. There was no doubt that his thinking is flawless and worthy of being applied within an organized and righteous judicial system which he, himself will create. And for those who opposed him, they will be the first ones to witness. They will see because he will show them, because he, _Kira_, will become the god of the New World.

**A/N: **_Who would've thought he'd end up dead on a staircase some years later? Much for the god of the New World T_T Oh and I would like to say that I don't own Death Note and that this chapter has been ridiculously fun to write, who doesn't love criminal minds?_


End file.
